Final Thoughts on the Gifts of Imperfections
I first heard about this book while listening to an episode of "Unlocking Us." Brené Brown had her sisters on the show, and they were discussing their scores on guideposts which can be found in her book, “The Gifts of Imperfection." My curiosity got the best of me, so I listened to all six episodes and decided to take the test myself. Afterward, I bought the book. Surprisingly, the test I took after reading the book scored significantly lower than the one I took before.
I wouldn't categorise this book as a typical self-help book. To me, it's more like a light that illuminates the journey within ourselves as we navigate life. Brené briefly touches on parenting, as she is a mother too, but she doesn't prescribe any "must-do" advice for parents. That's what made the book refreshing for me. The guideposts have captivated my mind. While I remember some more than others, the core message I took away as a parent is: Am I living with courage, compassion, and connection with my children?
Sometimes the answer is yes, and other times, it's no. On days when it feels like a definite no, I choose to be compassionate with myself through self-kindness, common humanity, and mindfulness. I delve into this in my blog post on cultivating self-compassion and letting go of perfectionism: [Guidepost 2: Cultivating Self-Compassion](https://serenecoaching.co.uk/blog/guidepost-2-cultivating-self-compassion-letting-go-of-perfectionism).
As parents, we must accept that we carry wounds and scars, both consciously and unconsciously. Striving for meaningful change while parenting is a process. It often feels uncomfortable, but we must summon the courage to confront the monsters that emerge from limiting beliefs. The journey toward meaningful change begins when we recognise these triggers in our parenting. The best part is, identifying points at which the triggers show up. It won't be smooth, but parenting unconsciously is far more challenging. It's tough when those around you don't recognise your journey or offer compassionate understanding; which leads to a crucial question: What's the greater risk? Letting go of what people think, or letting go of how I feel, what I believe, and who I am? As a parent, I aim to ensure my children grow up knowing they are enough and belong.
If we want our children to embrace the gifts of imperfection for wholehearted living, we must be the template they emulate before adding their own spin as they live their lives. Despite cultural backgrounds, environments, or social conformities, embracing our imperfections and vulnerabilities can be tough. We might believe these make us less, but the truth is that imperfection, vulnerability, and fear can coexist with bravery and the knowledge that we are worthy of love and belonging. One of the best ways to understand how imperfection and vulnerability hold as much truth as bravery and worthiness is to observe an infant or a baby. They express their true selves without fear, with toothless smiles, loud cries, and uninhibited laughter and joy. Perhaps we should all lean into this and remind ourselves that we were once there, and it's possible to reconnect with our inner selves.
What I have learnt is that choosing to parent authentically has mean I also need to live authentically. This has come with reclaiming so much of myself and it continues i.e. ‘meaningful change is a process’. It is certainly an act of resistance. It is beautiful, ugly, neat, messy, confusing, pisses you off, pisses other people off and terrifies lots of people but the transformation is worth it — not only for you, but also as a compass for your children.
“Children are educated by what the grown-up is and not by what he says.” Carl Jung