The Power of Learning from Our Children's Reactions

Have you ever reacted to your child in a certain way without much thought, only to have a similar situation recur weeks or months later, but with a more subdued and understanding response? It's a scenario where your reaction surprises both your child and you. This happened to me today!

I gave Az a fruity smoothie before we headed to their swimming lesson. However, upon arrival, Az wasn't as interested in swimming as usual, so we decided to skip it and go pick up Oz. I left Az in the car for about 5-10 minutes while I collected Oz from their caregiver. When I returned, I found Az in tears, surrounded by patches of vomit in the car. In that moment, I felt sympathy. Being left alone, feeling sick, and not knowing when 'mama' would return must have been anxiety-inducing, even if it was only for a short while.

After cleaning up as much as I could, we were ready to drive off. As I drove, I realised my reaction this time was different from past experiences (considering something similar has happened twice before). I was more comforting and less concerned about cleaning the car in the dark. I was accepting and reassuring, instead of irate and expressive about the 'inconvenience' caused.

So what changed?

Previously, my reactions were influenced by stress from various sources, particularly from being in a new job that I didn’t love. I was devoid of joy in multiple aspects of my life, tilting my balance unfavourably.

This brief episode reminded me of the importance of self-awareness. Without it, I wouldn't have recognised the change in my reactions or been more present with myself. In my child’s eyes, I saw the consequence of my previous reactions — a hint of remorse. This surprised me because I didn’t see a reason for remorse over a natural response to illness, especially when I was being supportive. Perhaps Az anticipated my typical irate reaction, which led to fear. By being calm and understanding, the surprise was for both of us, particularly for Az.

What I appreciated most about this experience was how naturally I embraced acceptance. I didn’t berate myself for past mistakes or negative messages I might have sent. I knew my present, more positive reaction was creating a fresh, reassuring memory for Az. It’s empowering to realise I can repeat this mindful behaviour. Interestingly, while cleaning, I noticed my tire was losing pressure, allowing me to identify and fix an issue before it became a bigger problem.

All in all, I truly believe that children are our greatest teachers. By being open, you can learn lessons beyond your imagination.